


i'll be there for you through it all (even if saving you sends me to heaven)

by goreyer



Category: Football RPF
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, Guardian Angel AU, Guardian Angels, M/M, Łukasz is an angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-04 22:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12781038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goreyer/pseuds/goreyer
Summary: Kuba's darkest night becomes the slightest bit lighter.





	i'll be there for you through it all (even if saving you sends me to heaven)

Kuba's lungs gave out minutes after he began yelling at his father to stop. He screamed, wailed, shrieked as loud as he could manage, thrashed his arms around and tried to reach his mother, but the closer he got, the closer the knife became to her throat. 

"Papa, please!" He cried, tears painting his cheeks like watercolours and staining his irises red. Yet nothing he could say would stop his father, for his mind was already set in stone. 

"Kuba. Kuba, listen sweetie-" His mother breathed out shakily, eyes staring unblinkingly at him.

His father interrupted her: "No! Stop, shut up!" He hissed, retracting the knife back towards his body, only to send it back into her shoulder, eliciting a sharp scream and a soft wail from the child whose world was slowly tumbling apart.

The kitchen knife that Kuba wasn't allowed to use because it was deemed to sharp for him, the kitchen knife that was used to create many a meal that Kuba enjoyed, the kitchen knife that his father had grabbed forcefully after a particularly fierce row, was thrust over and over again into his mother until the only sound in the house was Kuba and his father's erratic breathing. 

"You mustn't tell anyone, Kuba." The father murmured to his 11-year-old son. "It will all be okay, Mama will be back home soon."

Kuba wasn't stupid. He knew what had happened. Mama wasn't coming back, ever. She was dead. Murdered. By his own father, the man who vowed to love her unconditionally until death do they part. Dead, dead, dead. Not alive. Not breathing. Not coming back. What would happen to Kuba? Living in a household with a murderer. Could he be next? His father ran out of the room suddenly, leaving Kuba to rush over to the body of his mother, blood slowly soaking the kitchen floor. The child shook his mother a few times, in the hope that she was somehow still alive, but alas, not a single sign of life was seen. She was as still and as quiet as a church mouse. And that was what scared Kuba the most. 

A few tears fell onto his mothers blouse, staining the only few bits clear of blood a translucent colour. Kuba forced himself into a kneeling position and used what little of his voice he had left to wail out into the empty room - seeking some form of comfort, from someone, anyone. He needed a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, someone to turn to when he had no one. 

He felt a hand press against his shoulder. A soft hand, a small hand; one that definitely didn't belong to his father. His head turned slowly, almost fearfully, but when he reached his target, he was met with the softest blue eyes. There was something celestial about them, different to any normal colour he had ever seen on a person before. But that was because this wasn't a person. Or, it was, just not a normal one. A small pair of wings were protruding from the back of the boy, currently curled away, but still sparkly, white and comforting. Kuba wanted to smile. He did smile, a tiny, trembling smile that caused the boy to wrap his arms around Kuba; enveloping him in a an embrace that warmed him from head to toe until he could come undone on this celestial creatures shoulder. Tears flooded relentlessly until they seemingly ran out and Kuba couldn't force any more out of his tear ducts. 

 _"You'll be okay, Jakub. I'm here for you, always."_ The boy spoke, except his mouth didn't move, Kuba could hear the words in his mind, feel the emotions. Barely anyone called him Jakub, and normally he didn't like it, but for this boy, it just seemed right.  _"My name isŁukasz, your guardian angel."_

 

-*-

 

"Don't be too long, Kuba, dinner will be ready soon!" His grandmother called after him as he sped off in the direction of a football pitch over the road from his house. He knew none of his friends would be out playing football at that time - they'd be too busy doing whatever homework they had to for the next day. Kuba - like the rebellious teenager he tried to be - hadn't done a piece of homework in weeks. His behavior had dropped since moving in with his grandparents, they were far too lenient on him, he knew that, but that didn't stop him from abusing that fact. All he had to do was raise his voice a couple of decibels and he could convince his grandparents that he was the right one.

And so, that was how he found himself running across the road blindly at 7:30 in the evening blissfully unaware of the car racing towards him. The headlights first appeared in his peripheral vision for a quick moment before they became the main focus of his eyes when he whipped his head around to face the imminent danger. 

 _This is it._ He thought, an ironic smile almost creeping on his face.  _This was how he was going to die. Pathetic._

His body was suddenly tugged backwards out of the path of the vehicle, returning to the safety of the curb. Two hands were gripping Kuba's shoulders with such force Kuba was sure they would've left marks if it wasn't the hands of his guardian angel pressed against his shoulders. 

 _"T-thank you, Łukasz."_ Kuba sighed turning to face his savior. 

Łukasz was smiling softly - his eyebrows knit together half way in between worry and relief.  _"It's okay, Jakub. Don't ever scare me like that again. What do you need to remember?"_

 _"Look left and right before crossing the road."_ Kuba responded in his head, his heart rate only just beginning to return to normal.

Łukasz's laugh was a sound to behold and Kuba found himself wanting to laugh to - but he had just almost been hit by a car, so any normal witness would think he was absolutely crazy. Łukasz made him so ridiculously happy and safe simultaneously. He felt like he had not only a best friend but a protector. Kuba knew that was what the point of a guardian angel is but there wasn't a point in a day where he felt alone. He could always see Łukasz in the corner of the room, sitting in a chair and reading a book or just simply being a presence to calm Kuba down. The only time he wasn't in eye-line was in school, trying to make sure Kuba concentrated on his work instead of him. Kuba wished Łukasz was with him in school - the amount of cheating he would do would be criminal. 

Łukasz always lectured him on why cheating was bad whenever Kuba asked his friend for the answers to the homework, but the human just ignored his angel and assured him he wouldn't get caught. Spoiler alert, he did, on multiple occasions.

 

-*-

 

Kuba's grandmother thought her grandson had a girlfriend. He heard him talking to someone upstairs often - without being aware she had let someone in the house. The window to Kuba's bedroom was easily accessible from a tree outside their front garden, but each time she had heard voices there had been no sign of anyone climbing the tree or opening the window. The one time she did have the guts to walk into Kuba's room, she found him lying on his bed, phone in hand. When she asked who he was talking to, he quickly replied 'Łukasz' and changed the subject. His grandmother only assumed he was talking about a friend.

 

-*-

 

"Hello? Hi, is this Jakub Błaszczykowski's grandmother? Hello, Ma'am. I'm Mr Nowakowski, Jakub's art teacher. Wh -- no, no ma'am he isn't in trouble. No, far from it in fact. Haha, yes I do realize this is surprising. Bu -- yes he is completing his homework on time, don't worry about that ma'am. I was calling to talk about one of his recent art pieces, it's really rather spectacular. Yes, it's beautiful - the attention to detail, everything is serene, has he shown it to you? No? Well I kept him behind one lesson and asked him to explain it to me in the most detailed way possible. He explained it was an angel -- yes ma'am, an angel -- no an actual angel, one he said helped lonely or hurt children feel happy and safe again after a traumatic period in their life. You see, the picture is an angel with one hand outstretched to a child. The way he spoke about the painting showed how passionate he was about the work.

He titled the painting ' _Guardian Angel_ ' and even described how the child was feeling at that point, perfectly encapsulating the expression on the child's face with such detailed descriptions I really felt as though I was in the mind of this child. In what way? Well, he explained a feeling of complete and utter safety despite the circumstances, like for one simple sweet moment all of the child's worries completely evaporated under just the glance of this angel. No, ma'am I'm not making this up. I was completely blown away by his work, really and truly. I was going to call to encourage you to make him enter the artwork in some kind of competition with a detailed description of his thoughts whilst designing the painting. Yes ma'am, of course I'll encourage him too. I just think it will be very beneficial to him going forward. You will? Excellent, thank you ma'am. Have a good night."

 

-*-

 

Kuba was playing on his Xbox when his grandmother opened the door to his room with a large canvas in her hand. The expression on Kuba's face turned from annoyance to surprise when he saw what she held.

"Is that my painting?" He asked softly.

His grandmother nodded with a smile, "I managed to get it from your art teacher. It's amazing, Kuba."

A flush painted Kuba's cheeks for a moment - unused to such praise from a family member. 

"The child looks really like you, is that who it was meant to be?" A nod from Kuba confirmed her suspicions. "And what about the angel, who is he?"

"Łukasz."

 

-*-

 

What was wrong with him? He was thinking too much. Too hard. He was overthinking things. A celestial creature couldn't be becoming the most important thing in his life. Was Łukasz even real? Had his father hit him over the head and caused him to hallucinate the same figure over and over? Why was he feeling such things? Why did the broadest smile he could possibly force spread onto his face whenever Łukasz appeared in his peripherals? This was an angel. A mythical creature. And on top of that, a  _boy._ Kuba couldn't be gay, could he? If he was, why was he feeling these kind of things for a mythical creature? Why couldn't he just be attracted to  _humans_ and  _girls_ like every normal teenage boy around his age? Why were all his problems suddenly piling on top of him in one moment?

Łukasz's wispy blonde locks, Łukasz's celestial blue eyes, Łukasz's kind, trusting face. Łukasz. His guardian angel. His best friend - or perhaps more than that? Łukasz was invading his thoughts more than he had ever thought possible since they had first met. Usually Kuba would actively seek his angel's company; searching for him every waking moment in his eye-line, enjoying the sense of company he felt when Łukasz was near, but right now, he felt scared, unsure and confused. So, so confused. How was he meant to talk to someone about it? "Hi grandma, I think I have a crush on an angel whose looked after me since mum died." She'd probably send him to a mental institute, and he didn't blame her. It sounded absurd out loud, and only Kuba knew how real it was - how real  _Łukasz_ was. He couldn't possibly be a figment of his imagination, no, it was too vivid for that. Every sighting of his angel was too vivid like every detail was painted by God himself, using the smallest paintbrush imaginable to paint in the tiniest details, like the freckle Łukasz had just above his eyebrow or the one under his lip, or the individual lines of stubble that graced his jawline.

Kuba knew every part of Łukasz's appearance; he could recite it by memory. And that scared him. One day Łukasz would leave him - guardian angels couldn't stay forever, could they? He would be gone, into thin air. Most likely without another word to Kuba about where he was going. Eventually Kuba would forget what Łukasz looked like and where his freckles were. And that terrified him. It made his heart race out of turn, skipping beats in a way he wasn't sure was completely healthy. But he couldn't help it, the thought of losing his guardian angel was the scariest thing he had ever thought of.

He loved Łukasz. He needed distance. Time. Space to think. He stopped talking to Łukasz.

 

-*-

 

 Łukasz visited Kuba multiple times throughout his childhood. He was always there, just in the background. Stopping Kuba from drinking that one extra glass of beer, stopping him from running away from home and more things the young Pole was embarrassed to talk about to anyone - apart from Łukasz of course. Because Łukasz was more than a friend. He was Kuba's guardian angel after all. The permanent hand to hold, shoulder to cry on, person to turn to when he had no one. Łukasz was always around without fail, simply watching Kuba and smiling a warm smile that made Kuba smile back (just so long as he wasn't in a public place). 

Łukasz had been assigned to watch over Kuba the second his mother passed away. God gave him a job and he accepted gladly. Being a guardian angel could start from any age, however it was most common to have one of a similar age. And so, Łukasz stuck with his assignment. He supported Kuba as he moved to his grandparents, before taking up a career in football for Raków Częstochowa then Górnik Zabrze, Stradom Częstochowa, Wisła Kraków and finally settling in Borussia Dortmund at the age of 22. Łukasz couldn't have been prouder of his human; he knew how much of a dream it had been for Kuba to play football professionally and so seeing him succeed made him ecstatic. 

And yet, Kuba's constant travelling with Borussia Dortmund meant he had less time to spend with Łukasz. Sure, Łukasz had expected it as much, what with him experiencing Champions League football and all, but the gap between the supernatural world and the human world was becoming larger and larger the longer Kuba and Łukasz went without talking. Multiple times Łukasz had attempted to breach that gap and talk to Kuba, but he had been ignored purely on the basis that Kuba didn't want to look like he was talking to himself.

Łukasz understood and tried not to take offence, but the gap was pulling on his heart strings, and not just in a metaphorical way. A guardian angel and their human were connected by a small string that connected their two hearts together, only visible to the eyes of the angel. And so, the loss of contact meant that string was getting longer, as Łukasz was getting pulled further away from his human. And it broke him. 

There would come a time when the gap would become far too large and all contact would be broken forever. And that was what scared Łukasz the most.

 _"Łukasz?"_ A voice sounded in his head and all of a sudden the string pulled taut and Łukasz found himself in a hotel bedroom, Kuba's trembling body tucked under the covers of one of the beds.

Łukasz glided slowly over to the side of the bed and sat on the edge, placing a hand on his humans chest in an attempt to calm him down.

 _"I thought I had lost you."_ Kuba sighed in relief, trying to place his hand atop Łukasz's but it just ended up fazing through onto the bed sheets.

 _"You'll never lose me, Jakub, I'm here for you, always. Are you alright?"_  Łukasz smiled and instead stroked Kuba's hand. 

Kuba stared Łukasz deep in the eyes in a way that would've been intimate if it wasn't for the aching in Łukasz's heart,  _"I'm just worried about tomorrow, what if I get dropped? I haven't been playing brilliantly recently."_

_"Don't be silly, of course you're going to be picked, Jakub. I believe in you, alright? The manager would be stupid not to pick you."_

His human smiled and flushed a deep pink. Łukasz knew that wasn't what was bothering him. He knew his human inside out and he knew when he was lying. There was something else hidden deep inside that was causing Kuba to stare up at him with worried eyes.

 _"I want to be able to hug you."_ Kuba thought suddenly before his mind could stop itself. 

Łukasz didn't reply.

 _"I want to be able to touch you, feel you, be closer to you."_ Kuba's mind was running wild.  _"Łukasz I can't describe my feelings for you. You're more than my guardian angel. Far more than that. I need to do these small things or I fear I'm going to go insane. I can't go on living like this. Łukasz, I want to hold your head in my chest, rub your back with my hands, trace your wings with my fingers. Please. Help me. I don't know what to do, I just need you. Like, really need you. You make my life better in ways I can't describe with words. You're so damn important to me I can't imagine life without you because you're always there, in my head, in my thoughts, in my vision. The only thing I can ever think about is Łukasz, Łukasz, Łukasz. It hurts so much, just please make it stop. My heart is burning, Łukasz. Burning. It's burning a hole through my chest. And the pain is indescribable._

_"And then there are the thoughts of losing you. You fading away into nothingness because I forget about you. Those thoughts are the worst thoughts I can conjure into my mind. They make me hate myself because I know if you eventually leave it would be because of me. Me. Łukasz you could die because of me. If you die so I can live, I don't know what I would do with myself. I'd be lost. Lost without you. Why do I need you? Why do I rely on you? I can't describe it. I just need you every living breathing moment of the day because you help me through it. You make me happy, elated, ecstatic, so stupidly joyful I feel like an idiot. But I don't hate myself for it because I know. I know for sure._

_"I love you, Łukasz. With every fibre of my human being, I love you. So much. The world wasn't worth living in without you in it. You light up my life, make me happy and I love you. I love you. Please never leave me, Łukasz. Please. I-I'm not ready to go on without you."_

 

Łukasz didn't reply. Kuba brushed away a few tears that were dripping down his features. Silence enveloped the room.

 

-*-

 

Kuba liked the feeling of wind blowing through his hair. Whilst his sandy-brown locks weren't long or particularly mobile in the gusts, a few strands flicked up every now and then, making him smile softly. He felt completely weightless at that moment in time, like all his hardships in life had been lifted off his shoulders and thrown away. There was nothing he could worry about now. Only things to anticipate, wonder for, imagine.

A tall apartment building stood to his left where one couple were out on their balcony enjoying the warm evening and watching the sun pass slowly down over the horizon. The sky above Kuba was still blue but some flecks of pink and yellow broke through, making the sight look like something out of a van Gogh painting. The vibrancy of the colours were a stark contrast to the apartment building. To his left now was a woman running around to collect her children as they fought to catch a glimpse of the wondrous sight through the panes of glass of their apartment. Kuba thought he saw one of the children point at him, but they was out of view in a quick flash. 

Kuba let his imagination run for a while - perhaps around 30 seconds - about what it would feel like to finally run his hands through Łukasz's hair. It would undoubtedly be soft and comforting and warm - everything he had hoped for and probably more, he would just have to wait and see. 

The human ignored a loud scream from underneath him and continued to think. Łukasz's cheeks looked like they could well be as soft and as pure as his hair - the way they crinkled whenever the angel smiled or laughed made Kuba's heart sing and do as many backflips as one's heart could do. Perhaps his eyes were going to be the best bit. Would they be more vibrant? Well, they were always vibrant, but perhaps without the celestial feel they would be more pigmented and even more sea blue. Kuba could stare into them for as long as possible without feeling awkward. Because it wouldn't be awkward. Not now. Not in a few seconds. Not ever again.

 _"Jakub what the hell are you doing?!"_ Łukasz called to him from somewhere Kuba couldn't see. 

 _"I'm coming to see you, Łukasz. I love you so much and I need to be with you unconditionally."_ Kuba smiled at his reasoning and watched the buildings flash past him. There were no more apartments on this level - he was quite close to the ground now.

_"Jakub please, don't! This won't work."_

_"It will, Łukasz. I'm going to be able to hold you. Just wait for me."_

A short pause.

 _"I'd wait for you until the end of time, Jakub. I love you. Forever and always. More than I could ever think possible."_ Łukasz's voice was choked - even in Kuba's head, which was currently spinning from the words.

A hand clutched at Kuba's and intertwined their fingers as the ground finally caught up with Kuba. His bones were crushed upon impact, meaning instant death but no pain. Łukasz stood over the body of his human - his true love - waiting for a possible sign of life, or mythical life in the context of an angel. Sure enough, the body stirred, raising as if from a deep slumber and Kuba was in front of him again. Alive. Well. Unharmed. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. The way the sun glistened off the stars in his hair, eyelashes, eyebrows, every part of his body made Łukasz's heart strings tug. 

The first thing the new angel did was wrap his arms around Łukasz, in the most electrifying hug ever imaginable - exceeding both their already high expectations. 

"I love you." Kuba murmured into his angels hair. The three words spoken out loud made Łukasz's heart strings begin to pain him. His heart felt like exploding with emotions. It got to the point where the pain was excruciating and for a brief moment Łukasz thought he was having a heart attack. It was only when the heart string connecting him and Kuba snapped did he understand what was going on. 

He was dying. 

His chest felt tight, head heavy, heart simultaneously aching and stinging. He couldn't breathe. Kuba was looking at him frightfully, he may have even been saying something but Łukasz couldn't hear him. He couldn't hear anything but his heartbeat slowing down until it stopped altogether.

 

 _for if a guardian angel's human dies, the guardian angel does too_  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this got kind of depressing aha ^^' I had an idea one night about a fic to write so here I am. In case you want any clarification for the ending, Kuba commits suicide because he feels it's the only way to be able to be with Łukasz properly.


End file.
